Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Yes...I did feel the need to post something on here...I felt that I came off sounding a little mad in my last post and so I wanted to apologize to you all for that. I really am not mad...a little sad...maybe...a little bummed...yeah...but I'm not mad. And I've now had a few days to really sort through all of this and I'm doing a lot better. I am not jaded by the whole process...in fact we are already in the book again...we figure we might as well not waste any time for people to see our profile. And yes I do still think there are things about the whole adoption process that still are not great...but maybe, just maybe I'll be able to help do something about them someday. Like the whole wait time...the backing out time...here in Minnesota it is 10 working days...that's 14 days total...I think that is too much time...I think it makes the birth parents wonder if they are doing the right thing since we give them that much time and tell them that they can back out if they want to within the 14 days. I think that it makes them question their decision that much more. And I know it's a very important decision...one that takes a lot of thought process... trying to decide if this is what they really want. But when they sign the papers they should be at a place in the decision making process that they are ready to just sign and be done. They should not be able to change their mind and devastate another couple. Because I'm sorry...once you find out that there might be a baby for you...and especially once you get to meet that baby...people may tell you don't get your hopes up...guard your heart...but once all that happens it's so hard to do...your hopes are already up...way up. And I'm glad that Jon and I are people that fully give our hearts and jump in with both feet. I'm glad to live life that way...it's a good feeling to give without reserves...even if it means that your heart may get broken. Nothing ventured...nothing gained. So anyway...I write this post to try to soften the way I might have sounded in my last post. We really are excited where God is taking us. And we are really excited to hopefully build our family through adoption. We think it's an amazing opportunity to be given. We can't wait to meet our new member of our family. And selfishly...we hope that it is sooner rather than later! On to other news...well...there really isn't any other news. A couple Fridays ago Jon and I went to a Joel Hanson concert in the cities. He was playing in a church up there and having his CD release party/concert. It was really good...but I've always loved Joel. We even were seated right across the aisle from his wife and daughters...it was really fun seeing his one daughter get into the music with her little friend. You could tell that they were hoping that they were getting his attention...I think they did :) And other than that we are just busy with work...Jon is trying to get the crops out but the weather hasn't cooperated very well...too much moisture...we sure could have used a little of it this summer. And now all the leaves are changed and are falling off the trees. And did you know that there is only 8 weeks left until Christmas?!? Crazy huh?!? I just counted it out today as I was making appointments for people...the crazy time is about to begin in my line of work...I better get rested up! Well thank you for all your prayers...we sure do appreciate them. Have a great rest of the week!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I swear...I had good reason for not being on here...I was so hoping that the next time I posted I would have news that would knock your socks off...but alas...I don't...I only have sad news...boo. Anyway...I'll start from the beginning...and I swear...I'll give you the short version! We got that call on September 29th...you know...the call that all hopeful adoptive parents dread and look forward to all at the same time. We got the call that there was a little baby girl, who was 7 weeks old, who needed a home. A friend of the birthmom was actually the one who called us and asked us all the questions. She liked us and I asked if we could meet with her and the birthmom...she was very excited to meet us and we set it up for the very next day. We met for lunch...we totally fell in love with that little girl...and we really liked the birthmom and friend too. All our fears were put to rest...you know...the fears of will we be able to love this little girl as much as we loved Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper. The answer is definitely yes. We would. That afternoon we got a call from the friend that said the birthmom had chosen us...yea! That evening we got a text message from the birthmom that said she was sorry but the birthfather would not agree to sign papers...better luck next time (those weren't her exact words...but pretty close). Urgh...frustration...and right before bed...let me tell you...I didn't sleep very good that night! That Thursday was an awful day...and then the birthmom decided that if he wasn't willing to sign she would take him to court and and take away his rights. One little known fact is that the birthfater is in jail right now and he was still awaiting his sentencing...we were told that he was looking at a minimum of 6 months with a max of 2 years. So...the adoption was back on. Meanwhile, the birthmom was tired of being a mom (they also have a 2 year old together) and so she gave the little girl to the friend to take care of. The friend lives in Burnsville so she would call us and see if we wanted to come up and spend time with her...well...yeah we would. We also got our birthmom in contact with a birthparent counselor at our agency, which took a lot of the pressure off of us. So for the next week it was a constant up and down battle...almost like they were playing games with us. The birthfather did get sentenced and guess what he got...2 months in a workhouse! Can you believe it! There is something wrong with the world...not enough space to hold all these guys...so 2 months! You know what they should do...harsher punishments so that people don't commit crimes! Urgh! But...he said he'd still go along with the adoption...he would sign papers...'cause that's what the birthmom wanted. So when they finally got him moved over and settled in they went up there to sign papers. That was the 13th...on the 27th at 1:30 baby girl would be ours! Well this last week seemed to be going fine...talked to the birthmom and she seemed like she was really excited...she got a new job, she moved, she was out partying...all the while baby girl was in the care of this friend (who is actually the birthgrandma's friend...have I made this complicated?!?)...we did not trust this friend too much as she was telling us that she was sleeping with the baby and then one day couldn't find her and here she was under the covers...and she gave her a bottle of water...and she was taking her to her cleaning jobs....and she took her to a bonfire when it was freezing outside and kept her up until 3 a.m. Needless to say we just kept praying for her safety and we were getting pretty antsy to get her out of that environment. Well...Sunday everything came to a head. Birthmom called her counselor and told her that she couldn't handle all this adoption stuff anymore...birthfather couldn't handle not being able to see the baby anytime he wanted so she was just going to have to be done. Monday she signed the paperwork to stop the adoption. To say that we are bummed is an understatement. But more importantly we just feel so bad for this little baby girl, who has no choice in the whole matter. She is going to grow up in a family with a mother who resents her (she said on more that one occasion that she doesn't want her and doesn't want to be her mother), she is going to grow up in a family where she sees her father having so much control over her mother, she is going to grow up in a family where the cycle is to get pregnant as a teenager (both grandma and grandma's friend were 16 year old moms and birthmom was 18), and she is going to grow up in a family who already has proven to make very poor choices. That is unless God comes into their lives and turns it all around! And that's what we are praying for. We know that we cannot do anything more to save this little girl (who we fell so in love with...did I mention that?!?) but we can pray for her. God brought her into our lives for a reason. What that reason is I don't quite know yet. I don't know if it's just so that I can be praying for her for the rest of her life...which I will do. Or if somehow through all this we have made an impact on her mom and this friend. One little detail I left out was that this little girl was placed before...right after she was born. And again...the birthfather changed his mind. The birthmom did try to replace her with that couple but I guess they were so mean to her that she sought out another couple (which was us). So...we've just really tried to be really nice. Which was so hard to do...you just wanted to shake them and ask them why. We still have so many questions that I don't plan on ever having answered. One of them would be....were you just playing us (remember...I told you the short version of the story...everyday there was good news and bad news...and I'm not even kidding...it has been a very very stressful 2 weeks...I think I'd take Emmalee in the hospital any day over these last weeks)...they made lots of mentions about how they needed diapers and how the friend was loosing money 'cause she couldn't do some of her cleaning jobs. But we were smart and didn't give them any money...only a few outfits for baby to wear. So...we don't know...maybe we were put through this process to help change the adoption laws. We felt that we were very unprotected through out this and we feel very jaded by the whole process. The birthparents are given too many rights and they are allowed to play with peoples emotions. I don't think people realize that the people who are adopting are people who have already experienced heartache and who have been trying to have a family for years...there are very few cases of people who are just getting started at trying to have a family that are adopting. Most of us have been through years of heartbreak and so these games that they are allowed to play are just plain wrong. You know who else isn't protected...the innocent babies. Oh I just feel so sorry for them. My heart will mend...their lives will always be affected. Well I think I'll be done for now. I will probably post more later when I can think through it more...right now I feel like I could just go on and on...but that's not fair to you...it would be a lengthy post! I am just going to ask you now...right now...to pray for this little girl and her family. Pray that God would surround her and send the right people into her lives so that she can learn about Him and come to love and serve the God that we know and love. And just pray for her family to start making the right decisions so that the cycle doesn't continue. And you could pray for us...we are disappointed, sad, and wondering why we just can't become parents...at least once! And why our parents can't become grandparents...it's so hard...we really did believe that this was going to work out. Well...thanks again for coming along with us on this journey of ours. We love you all!