We're back!

Hey all! I know I told you last week that I'd try to keep in touch with you while we were gone...but as you can see...I failed! Actually we kept so busy while at Faith's Lodge that I didn't even have time...when we finally got back to our room at night we just crashed! I told Jon that they were pretty tricky there...they kept us busy and occupied without us really realizing it! I don't know if I mentioned it in my last post that we were actually going to a place called Faith's Lodge. It's a retreat center in northern WI that is just for people who have lost a child or has a terminally ill child. We had already planned on going there this week...it was a week for only couples that had lost baby's...and so we went ahead and still went...and it was good for us to go. We met a lot of nice couples there...there were 7 couples total...and it's just nice to connect with others who know what you are going through. While we were there we painted bird houses, rocks, made bracelets, and luminaries...we laughed because who knew at our age we would still get into painting birdhouses and such but it was therapeutic...and all of us agreed that we were taking more time and being very diligent about it because it was for our kids and when it comes to them and their memory, we want everything to be just perfect. So since our rocks were going out on the Bridge of Hope path...it had to be perfect...after all...Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper's names were being represented out there! Hope all that made sense...I feel like I am just rambling here. When we got home yesterday though it felt like everything came back crashing on us...the reality of the whole situation. We are still coming home to an empty house...one that could have been filled with one child with the expectation of two more to join us in June. But...this is not the path that God has led us on...and sometimes that seems like a hard load to bear. Please be in prayer for Jon this week as he is going back to work. In someways I know it will be good for him...he needs the fresh air and he needs to be doing something. But in other ways I know he is not ready to be back at the real world thing. It's tough going through this...it plays with your mind and body. Like we both have said...we feel like we are in a funk. And we just feel...blah. Anyway...some prayer for him would be great. And while we are on the subject of Jon I just want to brag about him a little. God surely did know what he was doing when He brought Jon and I together. I could not imagine going through all of this without him. He is such a strong rock for me to lean on and he does anything and everything for me. He is always catering to my needs and sometimes I feel guilty about that. But he reminds me that it's only been 2 weeks since I gave birth...he was so helpful while I was pregnant...always getting up to get me a glass of water or anything for that matter. He is such a great guy and I couldn't be any more in love with him. And I just want to publicly thank God for him and I'm so thankful that he is so grounded in Christ and with our faith we will get through this together! Well I'll get off my soap box now but I just wanted to share a little about my Jon with you! In other news I did meet with my Doctor down at Mayo...so far they have not received the blood work back so we still aren't sure why I dilated but he is assuming that I did have an infection that caused me to go into pre-term labor. He doesn't think that it would be an incompetent cervix because I had no problem carrying Emmalee to term. But he did say that the next pregnancy will be the longest 'cause I'll be in to see him every week...they'll do ultrasounds at every visit to look at the cervix length and they'll do swabs to make sure I don't have an infection. I don't know...I think it might go faster not having to wait 4 weeks in between to make sure everything is okay! But we are so happy that he said it is possible to have more children...he thinks this is a...and I hate to use this word..."fluke" thing. Again...I have to remind myself that things or situations happen for a reason and God will use this for good. Right now I'm having trouble with that but I will get to the point where I will accept that fully...right now I only half-heartedly accept it. I still want my baby boys with me. And as far as getting pregnant again he said to wait for one cycle and that's your body's way of saying that it is ready to go again...so we'll see. I asked about carrying twins again since we do use fertility treatments...it is possible that it may happen again...and he said he does not see a problem with that...so...we'll leave it in God's hands. He obviously has a plan for us. Well I'll let you all go back to your lives and I'll quite rambling. Thanks for checking in on us...it truly does mean the world to know that so many of you care for us!