Change of Plans

Let go of the life we have planned in order to accept the life we have waiting for us.

That was a quote on one of the signs at Faith's Lodge. And I liked it...it felt very fitting. Although I think it should have said: Let go of the life we had planned in order to accept the life that is waiting for us. Just a minor change to the wording. I am a planner...I think I always have been. I had it planned out that I would be married young (and by God's grace I was) and I would have all my children before turning 30...I think that is one plan I will have to let go of. Not that I couldn't...maybe I'll go to Nadya Suleman's doctor and he can get me pregnant with 8 and then I could be done! No...I don't think that would be a good plan. No...I think this is one area where God is showing me that I can't plan my life out the way I want it to be. He obviously has different plans. Right after the funeral service we went out to Jon's parents farm to have a light dinner for all who could join us. While we were there someone wanted to see the "Makeover Room" (if you don't know what I'm talking about scroll down a few posts and you'll see) and I saw the frame hanging over the bed. In it are our family pictures...ours is a picture of Jon, me and Emmalee...for Jim and Maralee's Anniversary we also gave them the gift of getting a new family picture done this summer (after the twins were born of course) and we all were going to get new individual family pictures done as well to go into this frame. I was already having a hard time trying to figure out how I was going to get Emmalee into this picture and I realized that Jon and I would never really have a complete family picture done of us...there was always going to be someone missing...but I thought...maybe I could photoshop her in somewhere:) Yeah...I'll do that. Well I think now it's going to be a little harder to do that. I guess that plan is going to have to change. I have to admit...the day after the funeral service I think this one fact is what had me crying most of the day. The family picture that we'll take this summer will be one of just Jon and I...and in the whole group picture, Jon and I again will be the only ones without the kids in our arms or without the kids standing next to us. This is a hard thing to bear. I'm just being honest with you. We had so many plans already for this summer (as we did for last summer too). Jon getting to show off his kids on Father's Day...going to the Fourth of July parade with a double stroller in tow...my birthday with at least one baby on my lap (if not two...I might have been selfish) to blow out the candles...walks around Nerstrand with my babies...naps out in the shade of our big ole oak tree (in the hammock or on a blanket...both sounded good to me)...and the list could go on and on. But those plans have to be let go. They won't happen. And not that I have to be okay with that, but it's going to help me if I can get to the point where I can look forward and say...okay God...you are going to make all this okay...I know you have great plans for our lives and we are going to accept the life that you have waiting for us. So I guess I'm going to step out and look forward...and I'm going to remember that He is good, all the time...and He won't give us anything we cannot bear. And I will look back on the memories that He has given us with our children so far and I'm going to miss Emmalee, Owen and Cooper. But we will see them again...of this I can be sure...that is one plan I do not have to change. So for now I just ask you all to keep us in your prayers still...we still have a long journey in front of us...but don't worry...we'll be okay! We just have to let our plans be altered a little bit!

We're back!

Hey all! I know I told you last week that I'd try to keep in touch with you while we were gone...but as you can see...I failed! Actually we kept so busy while at Faith's Lodge that I didn't even have time...when we finally got back to our room at night we just crashed! I told Jon that they were pretty tricky there...they kept us busy and occupied without us really realizing it! I don't know if I mentioned it in my last post that we were actually going to a place called Faith's Lodge. It's a retreat center in northern WI that is just for people who have lost a child or has a terminally ill child. We had already planned on going there this week...it was a week for only couples that had lost baby's...and so we went ahead and still went...and it was good for us to go. We met a lot of nice couples there...there were 7 couples total...and it's just nice to connect with others who know what you are going through. While we were there we painted bird houses, rocks, made bracelets, and luminaries...we laughed because who knew at our age we would still get into painting birdhouses and such but it was therapeutic...and all of us agreed that we were taking more time and being very diligent about it because it was for our kids and when it comes to them and their memory, we want everything to be just perfect. So since our rocks were going out on the Bridge of Hope path...it had to be perfect...after all...Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper's names were being represented out there! Hope all that made sense...I feel like I am just rambling here. When we got home yesterday though it felt like everything came back crashing on us...the reality of the whole situation. We are still coming home to an empty house...one that could have been filled with one child with the expectation of two more to join us in June. But...this is not the path that God has led us on...and sometimes that seems like a hard load to bear. Please be in prayer for Jon this week as he is going back to work. In someways I know it will be good for him...he needs the fresh air and he needs to be doing something. But in other ways I know he is not ready to be back at the real world thing. It's tough going through this...it plays with your mind and body. Like we both have said...we feel like we are in a funk. And we just feel...blah. Anyway...some prayer for him would be great. And while we are on the subject of Jon I just want to brag about him a little. God surely did know what he was doing when He brought Jon and I together. I could not imagine going through all of this without him. He is such a strong rock for me to lean on and he does anything and everything for me. He is always catering to my needs and sometimes I feel guilty about that. But he reminds me that it's only been 2 weeks since I gave birth...he was so helpful while I was pregnant...always getting up to get me a glass of water or anything for that matter. He is such a great guy and I couldn't be any more in love with him. And I just want to publicly thank God for him and I'm so thankful that he is so grounded in Christ and with our faith we will get through this together! Well I'll get off my soap box now but I just wanted to share a little about my Jon with you! In other news I did meet with my Doctor down at Mayo...so far they have not received the blood work back so we still aren't sure why I dilated but he is assuming that I did have an infection that caused me to go into pre-term labor. He doesn't think that it would be an incompetent cervix because I had no problem carrying Emmalee to term. But he did say that the next pregnancy will be the longest 'cause I'll be in to see him every week...they'll do ultrasounds at every visit to look at the cervix length and they'll do swabs to make sure I don't have an infection. I don't know...I think it might go faster not having to wait 4 weeks in between to make sure everything is okay! But we are so happy that he said it is possible to have more children...he thinks this is a...and I hate to use this word..."fluke" thing. Again...I have to remind myself that things or situations happen for a reason and God will use this for good. Right now I'm having trouble with that but I will get to the point where I will accept that fully...right now I only half-heartedly accept it. I still want my baby boys with me. And as far as getting pregnant again he said to wait for one cycle and that's your body's way of saying that it is ready to go again...so we'll see. I asked about carrying twins again since we do use fertility treatments...it is possible that it may happen again...and he said he does not see a problem with that...so...we'll leave it in God's hands. He obviously has a plan for us. Well I'll let you all go back to your lives and I'll quite rambling. Thanks for checking in on us...it truly does mean the world to know that so many of you care for us!

What Happened?!?

I've had a lot of you ask what exactly happened on that Saturday/Sunday. For awhile I just couldn't write about it...for one I know it's going to be a long entry...and two I didn't know if I'd be able to do it...it seems like it will be an emotionally draining entry but I think I'm ready to do it. At least I'm sitting down now...on Sunday afternoon...let's see if I get through writing it in one sit down or if I have to keep coming back to it. But I think I'm ready...so lets go...you might want to go get your cup of coffee...I just reread this and it's pretty long. Also...just as a side note...I don't think many of you who read my blog are men but if you are reading it...I just want to warn you that there may be some "girly talk" in here about the whole giving birth process...I just thought you should be warned! So last Saturday (Feb. 7) started off like any ordinary day for me. I got up...went to work at 8 a.m. and was finished by around 1:30 p.m. I was really tired and looking forward to a nap...after I ate my lunch! Well I was able to take a short nap and Jon got home around 3 p.m. We got ready to go up to the cities...we had some errands to run and he needed to go look at a tree job for a couple that goes to our church. We actually stayed there until around 5:30 and then we headed up to go to Babies R Us...we had gotten a stroller/car seat travel system when we were expecting Emmalee and we had never opened it so we decided we would ask if we could return it...they had told us yes so we thought we'd just better get it back there and get it returned before they changed their minds! So we first ate at Pot Belly's (which is very yummy...I'd highly recommend it!) and then we went over to BRU. We returned the travel system and got a gift card for it. I was all ready to spend it and just get our carseats that night. I had told Jon that I wanted for sure to get these tonight 'cause you never know if the babies will come early or if I will be put on bed rest and this is one item we definitely need before they come. Well...wouldn't you know it...I totally think this is a God thing looking back on it but we could not decided (or agree) on the color. They had a car seat in orange and they had one that was just gray in the brand that we wanted. And for some reason...we just could decide and Jon said...watch....as soon as we buy one they'll come out with something else and we'll wish we had that one so let's just wait just a little longer. Okay Jon...we'll wait. So we just decided to go back to my mom and dad's house and hang out. There we decided to watch a movie. Okay...here is where the "girlie" details come in. I have to back up a little because when I woke up from my nap that afternoon I went to the bathroom. I noticed that there did seem to be quite a bit of discharge...but I had just read a couple days before that you can loose some of your mucus plug but it will replace itself. I had thought about this...still thinking that the discharge was a little abnormal but just brushed it off...if you know me well you know that I tend to have a tendency to worry a little more and I don't like that about myself so I was just trying to brush this off as a normal part of pregnancy...telling myself that I would send my doctor and e-mail on Monday and ask him if this was normal. So then every time I went to the bathroom the rest of the day I still had this mucousy discharge...started worrying a little more about it...but still brushing it off. I even mentioned it to Jon and he said that he had read the same thing (thanks to babycenter.com) and so he didn't think anything of it either. Well as we were watching the movie my back kind of hurt...but my back had been hurting most of my pregnancy...part of standing on your feet all day...but I had been cutting back my hours so as not to injure myself too bad. Anyway...I felt like I had to go to the bathroom...number two if you would...and I went up and did that. Well about an hour later...9:30 ish I felt the same way again. I can not explain this feeling to you but I sat down and I knew that my cervix was open...I felt like I could have pushed a baby out...it was the same feeling I had when I was ready to have Emmalee. And then...there was blood. Now my heart was pumping so hard...I started shaking...I quickly got up and told Jon that we needed to go...I think there is something wrong. I need to get to Mayo now. Well...my parents live about 5 blocks from Fairview Ridges Hospital...and as soon as we got into the truck I said that we would never make it to Mayo and we needed to go to that hospital. I didn't want to say that in front of my parents 'cause I didn't want to worry them. Well...Jon got me over there very quickly and we went to the front desk and were told to head up to Labor and Delivery right away. We were blessed to get a great nurse and she was very calm which helped me to calm down a little...but I still had the shakes...which now make sense to me since I was in full blown labor and I had yet to have a contraction. They ran blood work, urine and then they sent the ultrasound tech into the room. Before all this the nurse kept telling me that it could just be a urinary track infection...it can present the same symptoms...so I kept thinking...yeah...maybe that's it. Well...the ultrasound tech was pretty quite and so me...being the one who can't take that had to start asking questions. I finally got it out of her that my cervix was open...fully open...and she needed to go and see what the doctor thought they should do. It was not a minute later that the nurse comes in...tells me to lay on my side...tilts the bed up so that I'm at an angle head down...tells me that I am not getting up from this bed again...and starts a catheter. The doctor said that baby A (Owen) was already in the birthing canal...his legs and the sack were sitting in there...which I could feel...he was kicking. Neither one had broken their water so there may be a chance of saving them but probably not. She was pretty sure that they were going to be born but let's just try this and see if the baby goes back up. I don't think they even knew what they would do if he did go back up...my cervix was totally dialated and there was no way they could sew it shut. After a while the contractions started...and they were pretty painful but I could stand them. I remember just lying there and first of all saying...this has to be a dream...I am going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream. And then...praying...telling God that He can still perform a miracle here...He can show these doctors and nurses that He can close my cervix and these babies can stay in there for at least a few more weeks. Please Lord, please...please let me keep these babies. They can't be born yet...they aren't big enough. And then...Jon...call down to Mayo...see if they can get a chopper up here to get the babies...get them down to Mayo...maybe they'll be able to save them! Well...Mayo told us that it was not possible...they won't work on a baby younger than 25 weeks...which is what Fairview had told us as well. Okay then...I'll stay on a tilt and they'll just have to stay in there for a few more weeks...I can do that. Well, as we all know, it was not meant to be. Around 5 a.m. I asked the nurse...are you thinking that this can really work or are you waiting for me to say that I am ready to push. And she told me that they were waiting for me to push. So...she went and got the doctor. The pressure was so great and I knew in my heart that my body was not going to keep the first baby in...that's an awful feeling though...knowing that your body was going to let these babies be born and thinking that it's your fault that you can't hold them in...you try not to blame yourself but it's hard not too...I'm sure I'll blog more about this later...I was still holding out hope that baby B would miraculously stay in there and that my cervix would close as soon as the first one was born. They said that was a small possibility but not likely...they had never seen it happen and if it does happen it usually ends the same way about 24 hours later. Well...I can still hope can't I. So...as I've stated before Owen Timothy was born at 5:40 a.m. He was born still in his sack of water and Jon said that he could see him kicking around in it before they broke it...they wiped him off a little and wrapped him up and handed him to Jon and then Jon passed him off to me to let little Owen rest on my chest and feel his mamas love and warmth. Before he was born I kind of got into a panic...Jon...we haven't picked out names yet. Of course we had talked about names but nothing for sure. Somehow I just knew that Baby A was a boy...just had a feeling...and the name Owen Timothy (Timothy after my dad) just came to me...and Jon said that he liked it. After we had had a few minutes with Owen we invited our moms in to see him...and also Jon's sister Annette came in to video tape for us...we are so thankful that we have this tape. It seems like it went so fast...the time of holding him while he was here with us. And then they told us that he was gone. I was still holding him when I felt the urge to push. We were still waiting for his placenta to deliver and I though for sure that this was going to be it and that baby B was going to stay in. So I handed Owen off to Jon...everyone else left the room...and then I pushed. I thought for sure that Baby B was going to stay in...I was not having any contractions...my body was going to be nice to me and let me keep one in there...but then they said...it's the second baby...and at 6:01 Cooper James was born...what...it's another boy...well what are we going to name him...I was sure it was a girl...but I'm so glad he was a boy...I couldn't have imagined having a girl...I had two boys now! But just like before I thought...Cooper James (James after Jon's dad)...now that has a nice ring to it. And again...just like with Owen...I treasure the time with Cooper on my chest. He moved a little more and I could really see his heart beating in his chest. He also was the one making little squeaks...so precious. And again...the time went too fast. After a little while...the placentas came out...and they were together...I still don't know if this is normal...doesn't seem like it should be...but they were connected...I have a doctors appointment tomorrow at Mayo so I'm going to ask then. They also did a whole blood work up on me to see if they can figure out why this happened...so we'll see if we get any answers tomorrow. Well I think this is all I'm going to share for now. I made it through without stopping but I'm tired now. I think I've given you most of the detail of that day. I'm sure I'll think of something later but if I do I'll share it later. Last night I was sitting on the couch and I noticed that it was 10:30...I couldn't help but think of the details of only a week ago...and I got a nervous stomach just thinking about it. I actually was pretty calm last weekend which only came by God's grace. And this morning I woke up at 6:30 and thought...by this time last Sunday it was all over and they were both in Heaven with Emmalee. It's a bittersweet thought. I'm so glad that they are up there and don't have to deal with all the hurt and pain of this world but my arms long to hold them and sometimes my heart aches with the sadness I feel that I can't have them here with me. But God is good...and He will get us through this...I know I say this a lot but I truly believe it and want you all to do the same. We have so many sweet memories of our boys...for only a short time with them they sure made a lasting impression on us...and we thank God for that. Well like I said...we have a dr. appointment tomorrow and then we are taking off for vacation. We had planned on going to this place called Faith's Lodge....it's a place in WI that is for families that have lost children or have terminally ill children...and this next week is only for people who have lost infants. We were already planning on being there and so we figured now we'd really need the get away and so we kept our reservations. I do plan on keeping up with you all while we are there and doing some blogging or journaling...that is unless they have a bad Internet connection. So until then...I'm going to run. Have a great week...and thank you again for all your kind words and prayers. We appreciate them!

Events of Yesterday

*Note: I actually started this post on Friday but it started getting a little longer than I intended and we had to get going so I am finishing it up here on Saturday*

Hey all. First of all I want to thank each and every one of you who came to be with us yesterday. It really did mean a lot to have all of you there to celebrate the lives, short as they were, of our handsome little men. Yesterday was a good day. I woke up knowing that it was going to be a hard day...and it was...but God was there. I told Jon last night...okay...we got through our last hard day of doing stuff...not that there aren't going to be hard days emotionally but actually carrying out physical activities for the boys...this was the last day...well...Sunday at church might be one more hard day...and going back to work to my clients...that might be a hard day...but yesterday I do believe was the end of the hard days...like Britt said in her blog (samandbritt.blogspot.com) Thursday was going to be the last day of making memories with the boys and that is bittersweet...you're not really sure whether you really want that day to come 'cause you know it's going to be over sooner than you want it to be. I knew on Monday that that was the last time I was going to see the bodies of my babies. With their thin little skin and tiny little bodies I don't think they would have held up very long...one of the things that they did warn us about. So on Monday we did go to the funeral home to get them ready. They looked so cute that I wanted so bad to have an open casket...but I also knew in my heart that it was not to be. I didn't really want people to see them and think anything bad...to me they were perfect...to others...maybe not so much. So that is why I will limit the number of photos that I place here on the blog...I want all of you to have a very positive impression of my boys...because they were so cute and precious to us. But I did take lots of pictures of them...and some of them in their casket so I will always have those memories. Anyway...back to yesterday. We were able to just relax in the morning...I can not tell you how nice it has been to sleep in with no alarm clock ringing...that is something we in our household do not do very often! And we were able to have some left over lasagna thanks to Chris bringing it over the other night...and we did get a fifteen minute nap! Then it was time to get ready. We got out to the church at around 3:45 p.m. and got things set up. We were so thankful that they did open the church for us to use as it was pretty cold and windy. The sun was funny yesterday...it came out...then went away...then came out...and then away. And it was definitely hidden from us during the time of their service...so the warmth of the church was nice....and it was nice to be out of the wind. The boys arrived at the church around 4 p.m. Their casket was just way too small...for those of you who were at Emmalee's funeral...Owen and Coopers casket was even smaller than hers! Doesn't seem possible! We ushered in everyone to the church....had lots of hugs which is so nice to get...it's so nice to know that you are loved and cared for by so many people! Pastor Don opened with prayer...my brother Sam sang a song that we have now taken on as our theme song of the moment...it's called My Surrender by Steven Curtis Chapman...here are the words:

Does it all sound the same?
Are my words getting through?
I've been trying so hard
And I'm about to break
So here I am with all I have

And I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all

And what song can I sing
But the songs that You give
I have nothing to bring
That did not come from Your hand
So here I am with all I have

And I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all

All my plans and all my dreams
I'm giving it all to You
I lay it all down at Your feet
I'm Yours

So what song can I sing but this song?

I'm giving it all back to You
All back to you
I surrender
I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all


And then my good friend Sarah had sent us something that she had written after getting home and seeing the boys on Sunday. Her words just seemed so perfect that we wanted her to share them with everyone. Here is her letter:

The hand of God reached down into our world today. There is no question in my mind that He is there, working in our midst. Whether we admit it or not, He is there. Bigger and mightier than us, with a vision for what’s ahead. His plan is greater than ours, with more thought and foresight than we have a capacity for. I can’t even begin to understand His ways and often, as today, question why, but underlying it is this sense that He knows and He sees and He works it all for the good of those who love Him.
Owen Timothy and Cooper James were born today. Perfect in every way. Perfect little ears, perfect hearts, perfect fingers with tiny little nails. In no way was there anything wrong, except they were only twenty one weeks along. So perfect, but too tiny. And so, quickly and peacefully they flew to their heavenly fathers open and waiting arms, to be perfect in heaven aside their sweet big sister, Emmalee. Who can understand why? Who can know ahead of time that this was how it would be?
Only our great God in heaven can see what lies ahead. He knew Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper would greet him shortly after birth and still He created them. He saw the impact three tiny babies would have on this world and knew it was worth the pain and sorrow. What a privilege to know these precious beings, created for such a great purpose. Though I cry tears of pain and anguish, though my heart aches, and though my soul is burdened I know without a doubt that God is still there. He is here. He knows and says, it’s okay, I’m here. He makes no mistakes, he cannot lie, and He is good.
Ali and Jon are so privileged to have carried and brought into this world three children that God chose to bring to heaven right away. I don’t know why and may never know, but He chose them specifically from all the couples on earth to have this joy and pain. He knew that Ali and Jon were willing to be used by Him for His great kingdom work. Sometimes being open to God’s leading comes with it’s share of pain and heartbreak. But ultimately it ends in complete joy. The road is long, marked with suffering and unrest, but when we stand before our Lord and Maker can we say that we did His will and will He say, you have done well, my good and faithful servant? I know that Ali and Jon have been His good and faithful servants and will hear praise from our heavenly father.


And then Pastor Don...who is so gifted with words...blessed us with some thoughts of his own. For those who know him you know that he's had some rather tough weeks as well. His grandson went to be with Jesus just a few short weeks ago. And a week before the boys were born, Jon and I sat at his grandson's memorial service and wept with that family. It just seems to be so much sometimes...there is a lot of hurt in this world...and it's a hurt that none of my children so far will have to feel. For that I am grateful. But please be in prayer for Pastor Don's family and this is a hard time for them as well. I know your prayers will be greatly appreciated. One of the things that he said, which I thought was so good, is that there is one thing about Owen and Cooper that he is jealous of...now here I thought he was going to go and say...because they are in Heaven and with Jesus...but he went in a little different direction...he said...he's jealous because they already know the answer to the question that he has and he's one that likes to have all the answers! He said that he could just imagine as Owen left us and went to be with the Lord that he said, "Now what was that all about!?!" And then Cooper right on his brothers heals 19 short minutes later asking the same question! The real answer is we don't know what this is all about...why we have been asked to walk this road. But Owen and Cooper do and I'm sure they will fill us in when we get there! From there we went out to the cemetery...and there it was again...the green carpet on top of the box...waiting for the little casket to sit on it. There were a few more words spoken out there...my Uncle Doug said a closing prayer...and then the boys were lowered into the ground by their daddy and John Kohl (the funeral home director who we see more as a friend than a director). Then Jon picked up his shovel and began to scoop dirt into their grave...again...one of the hardest things I've had to watch...and knowing for sure that I would never see their little bodies again on this side of Heaven. Jim, my father-in-law, and my dad also picked up shovels...then my dad gave his to Matt...Sam got to shovel as well...and the shovels got passed around for those who wanted to help...it was pretty neat and sad at the same time to see all these men (Benny, Richard, Greg, Mike...sorry if I left anyone off of the list...) who would have been important in these two little boys lives, scooping dirt onto their grave. My mom started singing Jesus Loves Me and it was pretty sweet to hear it again at this same site...it was sung at Emmalee's burial as well...that time my Aunt Suzi started it. I laid two perfect roses on top of the fresh dirt. And then it was done. It was a cold but perfect day. And now my boys are laying next to their sister...but remember...it's only their bodies there...they are already with Jesus...and they are perfect. It's only hard for us down here...without them...this will take time but I know we will be strong enough to handle it...we will get through this time yet again. God has promised us that...He will not give us anything we cannot handle...we will cling to this promise 'cause sometimes it seems this is all we have. After the burial we had a nice little supper back at Jim and Maralee's...thank you to all that brought salads and bars...they were yummy! It was good to go back there and socialize with everyone that could make it...made the hard day a little easier. But then when we got home...I was ready to crash...and I did. Well I guess that's about it for now. Sorry this got so long for you all to read. But thanks for checking in on our story. God is not done here yet. He's got a lot to say and I'm already preparing for future blog entries. He amazes me all the time...we can already see His hand at work...and it's exciting. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers. The times that are tough seem a little easier 'cause I know there are so many of you praying for us. The tears flow freely around here and it's so refreshing...but we continue to be amazed at the strength we've been given. For that...To God be the Glory!
Love~
Ali

P.S. You can view Owen and Cooper's Obituary at www.parkerkohlfuneralhome.com You can also leave messages there if you'd like to. Also...on a side note...for their obituary we had submitted the photo of the feet to the Northfield paper to go along with the text. We just think it's such a sweet picture and we really wanted to share it with people so they could kind of get to know our boys...especially since Jon and I are both business people in Northfield...and Jon's lived here all his life...well...the newspaper e-mailed John Kohl and said they would not print the picture 'cause it would offend their readers! I could not believe this...talk about adding insult to injury! We were mad but crushed more...our two precious babies were going to offend people? Maybe they would...'cause we figure they are still doing abortions at 21 weeks and maybe people would see that these are real babies with tiny little toe and tiny little toenails. So...Jon contacted a guy that has a website for Northfield and now there is a poll on there that asks if the picture would offend you. To take the poll go to: www.locallygrownnorthfield.org I don't know folks...but I think God is using this too for His glory. Jon and I are considering taking out a full page ad in the paper and standing up for what we believe in...the life of a child. We'll see where God leads this.

Service

Hey all. Thank you so much for your words of kindness and sympathy. They definitely help. We both did get a fairly good nights sleep last night so thank you to all who prayed for that for us. I still have to remember to take it easy since I just had these two little ones...I forget that the body does need some rest to heal...and we need this body to heal so that God can bless us with more children! I just wanted to let you know that we will be having a small graveside service on Thursday at 4:30 p.m. for all who want to attend. It will be pretty brief but we want to celebrate Owen and Cooper's lives and we are praying that God will use this time for His glory. The service will be at Valley Grove...this is where Emmalee is buried and these two will be buried next to her. When we bought our plots last year for Emmalee you could either buy two or four...those were the options. Well we wanted to be buried near her someday so we bought the four...and I told God that we did not need the fourth plot...so don't you go and fill it for us. In fact...Jon and I had said that we better just plant a tree there so it is taken. I guess God does have other plans...plans I do not understand right now. But I don't need to...He will take care of us. However, I have told him that the other two are for Jon and I and so therefore He can't have them! Well thank you to you all for walking with us...God is bigger than we are...we are just trusting Him as He writes this new chapter of our lives. I promise I will get into more details of the day in the next few days and weeks. Please just bear with me...I don't feel like I have the strength right now. But we have already seen how God has taken care of us thus far and I will share that with you some day. I will leave you with a picture...one of my favorites that I have of Owen and Cooper. I'll share more pictures too as time goes on. Thank you again!

Beautiful Feet

Birthdays and Grieving on 2-08-09

Hi friends...it is with a very heavy heavy heart that I write to you today to tell you that our twin boys, Owen Timothy and Cooper James, were born today at only 21 weeks. I am not going to go into detail now but will later...I just wanted you all to know that we are very sad and missing them already. They both lived for exactly 19 beautiful minutes. And we enjoyed every minute with them. They are now in Heaven with Jesus and their big sister Emmalee. Friends...I can not tell you how much my heart is hurting right now...but I have to cling to the promise that God gives to us...He will not give us more than we can bear. Jon and I have been asked to walk down this dark road yet again...and we will...this time I think it will be harder...but God is good...we know that...we cling to that...I am going to go now. I will post more later along with pictures of our beautiful boys...two boys...can you believe it! I thought for sure there was a girl in there! Oh how we love them so much and are missing them so. Please pray. And pass this blog on...we believe God is giving us a story to share and we want everyone in on it! Much love with a heavy heart...Ali